Bitch, Please

I’ve had some confusion about this word that I hear so often: Bitch.

I hear it so often that I use it as a personal descriptor. ‘Hi! I’m Yaz and I’m a bitch.‘ I hear it when I’m too assertive. I hear it when I don’t kowtow to what others want. I hear it when I’m having a disagreement and they’ve run out of intelligent things to say: ‘Oh yeah? You’re a fat bitch!‘ And then there’s a bizarre flipside use that makes the word utterly meaningless for me.

Anti-feminists use this word a lot. It’s one of those silencing buzzwords that is supposed to appeal to the little girl who’s so desperate to be a people-pleaser. The little girl who’s supposed to exist inside every woman. Because even today most women have been socialized to be appeasing and to make everyone around them happy. To be called a bitch means that you’ve failed in that. What a terrifying thought!

Bitches are mean. Bitches are bossy. Bitches are awesome! er…Bitches are not toeing the line of gender normative behavior. ‘It often refers to someone who is belligerent, unreasonable, rudely intrusive or aggressive.’ Says Wikipedia. Let’s just say it’s not meant as a compliment.

On the flipside of things there’s phrases such as : ‘Make you my bitch’ which are rife in the gaming community. Make you my…mean and bossy and aggressive? No. Because apparently the word can also mean inferior and subordinate. You hear it in the context of prisons and it has a rapey feeling about it. Does this make sense? Sort of. When it’s used in this way the word bitch is generally aimed at men. Which implies that what the word ‘bitch’ really means is someone who’s not acting in a way traditionally associated with their gender. So really, that’s all you got? ‘You refuse to conform to antiquated gender normatives!’ is not the most soul crushing insult I’ve personally ever come across.

This alternate meaning of bitch ‘I totally owned that little bitch‘ is not always used against men. I’ve had gamers or forum users claim that they made me their bitch. Which makes. No. Sense. Which is it? Am I bossy and aggressive? Or wimpy and inferior? If you can’t make up your mind on this I’m going to do it for you. Because…I’m a bitch. Duh.

Frankly, I’ll take your insult and interpret it as a compliment. Yes. I’m not acting like a 1950s housewife. Thank you. Yes. I have my own opinions. Thank you. Yes…you’ve run out of intelligent arguments and need to lob insults now…thanks for playing!

Since the meaning of the word has become convoluted enough to really mean nothing I’m going with my own meaning. Or rather one that I’ve pilfered from the tagline of Heartless Bitches International. ‘Because we know that BITCH means : Being In Total Control, Honey!’

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