Yesterday I was telling a story to a coworker about the horses I had as a teenager. One of my horses had gotten into the rabbit feed and was lying down outside the barn doors groaning in pain. She had colic and needed to get up and moving. For horses this can be a life threatening situation. She was also a bossy and stubborn creature so there was a bit of a struggle in getting her to comply. In relating the story I said of the horse: ‘Get up you fat cow! Get up and walk it off!‘
My cat was trying to wrestle his way in to steal my ice cream from me The day before. While he got in a couple of good swings I feel I won the fight overall. When physical force didn’t work he had to resort to being cute and cuddly. He snuggled up against me and kneaded and purred, all the while eyeballing my bowl of ice cream. I told my cat that he was a ‘slutty little whore bag‘ and that I wasn’t ‘giving in to his terrorist demands.‘
Today my dog was wagging her tail and walking by and I told her that : ‘If you’re gonna keep wiggling your bum and smiling at me I’m gonna have to molest you a little. You’re clearly asking for it.‘ Because Corporal Cuddling is how we roll in this family. And then I pounced. There was belly rubbing involved. Some scritching. Also some growling. Hers or mine, I’m not sure.
So there’s some body snark and slut shaming topped off with some victim blaming. Now keep in mind that I identify as a feminist. These are things I would never say to a person. Not even a person I disliked immensely. Not even in a fight. Even thinking them, which still occasionally happens in moments I’m not proud of, makes me feel self loathing. So why am I using this sort of language with my critters?
For more information on Corporal Cuddling (and because it’s funny as hell) you should watch this video: